Researchers continue to prove the obvious, as evidenced by the recent publication of findings that sleep is good for humans and other creatures. These new findings indicate that sleep not only provides rest, but helps the brain form memories. Researcher Györgi Buzsáki, professor of neuroscience at Rutgers University, said, "Obviously alteration of the regular wake-sleep cycle can affect the proper replay of information and sleep deprivation is known to affect memories." He added that lack of sleep could also put a person in a bad mood.
When contacted regarding this report, The Leisure Agency's own Bili Rubin responded, "As the kids say, 'Duh.' I think that as Leisurely folk, you and I could have told these researchers a thing or two. However, any articles that help advance the cause of more sleep for deprived Americans are okay by me."
Full story here.
Special Agent TR 33, our woman in Amsterdam, reports on the New Year's Eve party contest you may remember from a few weeks back:
"We did indeed win the New Year's party, thanks to all your votes but also at least partly due to the fact that [identity obscured to protect the Leisurely] asked some friends at [a certain computing company] to hack the contest. They disabled the IP address based time limit and flooded the contest with untraceable votes. Heh heh.
So we won-- but it turned out we didn't win a party! Those contest people are such fuckers-- they totally lied about the prize. We only won (supposedly) 3,000 euros worth of Schmointreau, mixers, and the services of a bartender for the evening. So we didn't have anywhere to throw the party and only 1 week to get it organized. Rather than tax our financial resources to their ultimate limit we did a little under-the-table bargaining with a bar we have ties to here and sold all the liquor to them for their New Year's Party. It worked out pretty well-- we didn't get 3,000 euros for it but we got enough to pay the rent that month, and had enough left over to go on a flea-market shopping spree.
Our New Years was still really lovely-- after we sorted out the liquor drop-off we grabbed a bottle of Absolut (the city was sold out of champagne) and walked up to Nieuwmarkt, this lovely little plein with a castle-type thing in Amsterdam's Chinatown where everyone goes to set off their fireworks. Fireworks are only legal on New Years, but people really go nuts-- it was the most incredible fireworks display I'd ever seen. There were big starburst ones reflecting on the canals and lighting up all around the castle towers. There were also those huge Chinese box fireworks that sound like a dozen machine guns and other ones in strings that stretched for blocks. It looked like someone was fire-bombing Disneyland. Add to that herds of obnoxious teenage boys simply hurling firecrackers into the crowds of unbelievably plastered British tourists. When the Brits weren't being exploded, they were busy climbing around on wet, shaky scaffolding and tumbling from great heights into piles of sodden firework paper and broken glass. I saw one asshole drop his bottle of Heineken and then collapse onto it. His friends were all like, "Jolly good idea!" and they did it too. I should mention Dutch breweries come out with special, XXXL beer containers especially for New Years. Add to that all the semi-legal drugs and it's no wonder so many British tourists look birth defected.
We managed to navigate the chaos safely, although it was quite a video game getting home on our bikes. Everyone set up their fireworks launchpads in the bike lanes, so beneath a steady rain of smoldering cardboard & in between dodging drunken Dutchies and utterly gormless Englishmen we had to avoid little stacks of flaming gunpowder and ubiquitous piles of broken glass. We made it home quite safely, although Michelle became a bit high-strung when some evil child tossed a lit firecracker under her front wheel.
The miracle of Dutch efficiency cleared away all the debris before we even awoke the following day. I must say this New Year's was both the most exciting as well as sober New Year's I've ever spent as an adult-- Michelle thoughtfully restricted our intoxicant intake as she knew we'd have to keep our wits sharp and reflexes unencumbered. Oh yeah--a few days after New Years those Schmointreau fuckers called and demanded photographic evidence of our party so we stole pictures of strangers off the internet and sent them in. Suckers."
We salute you, Special Agent TR 33, for your inventive and Leisurely solution to the "Schmointreau" conundrum!
Friends of Leisure should start planning now for two important upcoming holidays: Girls' Day on March 3rd, and Mardi Gras on March 4th. A Girls' Day Party with pink cupcakes and makeovers is just one idea, and of course there are many Leisurely ways to celebrate Mardi Gras. This is an excellent opportunity for a Leisurely gathering - and no one will look askance if you extend your holidays backward or forward in time to take advantage of the weekend!
For some time now, I have been troubled by a blight on my environment. Upon disembarking from the T at the Longwood stop in Brookline, Massachusetts, one is immediately confronted with a monstrosity known as "The Longwood Towers - an Avalon Community." As the name so evocatively hints, this is a ghastly housing complex modeled on some sort of vaguely medieval theme, with little turrets and parapets and the like. In the front, blue awnings direct one to the "Ballroom" and the "Veronique Restaurant;" in the rear, a gently sloping lawn is peppered with "No Trespassing" signs. The entire structure gives off the reek of money with nothing better to do. Clearly some development committee sat down, whipped out their bulging and greasy checkbooks, and bandied about words like "luxury units" and "classic" and "market share" and "rich suckers," and the Longwood Towers were born, thudding onto the horizon with a mighty "Oomph!" of alleged Good Taste.
The fact of the matter is, however, that The Longwood Towers are not tasteful. They are ugly. They are too shiny and too clean. Someone has spiffed them up so that they look newly minted. They sport faux arrow slits. They represent stodginess and insularity and lips pursed in disapproval. Therefore, Josh and I have taken up the mission of teaching a lesson about the vagaries of taste to the Longwood's occupants. We propose to invade their territory with a steady stream of the icons of alleged 'Bad Taste.' Pink flamingos installed on the lawn in the night. Plastic clotheslines flung over the wall. White Castle wrappers peeping from the trash. Our hope is to show residents that fancy doohickeys and a high price tag do not denote taste; that in flocking like sheep towards the promise of showy affluence, they have committed a worse crime against taste than any trailer inhabitant; and that medieval castles do not work unless they are a) old and crumbly or b) made of cardboard or plastic and used during games of Pretend.
If any Leisure Agents wish to participate, we would welcome the following:
1) Strategic assistance.
2) Manpower for recon expeditions.
3) Donations of lawn ornaments, night vision goggles, or black ski masks.
4) Bail money.
Down with "Good Taste," my Leisurely comrades!
Longwood Towers links:
Business article on the Longwood.
Realty listing with photos and floor plans.
The Veronique Restaurant.
Aalfred the eel, who has lived in a German family's bathtub since 1969, has been given clearance by authorities to remain with his adoptive family.
Aalfred's future was uncertain after animal rights activists demanded that the squiggly family friend be released into the wild, asserting that he was being held in unnatural circumstances. A veterinarian called in to supervise the case disagreed with this reasoning, describing Aalfred as being in good health and "apparently happy."
The Leisure Agency contacted Aquatic Consultant Dr. Phillippa Delaney, who confirmed the vet's theory. "I have spoken to Aalfred personally using the Marine Real-Time Translation Unit, and I can attest to the fact that he has adapted well to his new environment. Aalfred is quite pleased with his bathtub home, and requested only that his host family consider buying him a larger bucket, preferably pink, to rest in when they bathe. For some reason, eels really like the color pink."
Dr. Delaney developed the Marine Real-Time Translation Unit in consultation with Bili Rubin in an effort to communicate with various sea creatures. She is founder of the International Animals Are Smarter Than We Think, and Maybe It's About Time We Started Listening to Them Foundation. IAASTWT,MIATWSLTTF works with various agencies world-wide to help broaden our communication with the animal world.
Agent Courtney reports:
The UK's Natural History Museum has developed a fabulous and virtually-free-of-redeeming-educational-value-but-a-really- good-excuse-for-an-animatronic-dragon touring museum exhibit called Myths and Monsters: Unraveling the Truth. Check out the one-eyed guy. Extremely sweet.
Alas, though this exhibit tours internationally, it has yet to hit these old Pilgrim shores of Massachusetts.
My latest project, therefore, is to bombard the Boston Museum of Science with requests for this important and, particularly in light of the recent discovery of elephant skulls on the island of Crete, relevant exhibit.
Please, friends of Leisure, take a moment to draft a short e-mail to the good people at the Museum of Science (information@mos.org) and tell them you want Myths and Monsters. I have taken the liberty of drafting the following e-mail as a template. You may, of course, wish to substitute your own thoughts.
I write in the hope that you will consider booking a touring exhibition produced by the Natural History Museum in London. The exhibition is called Myths and Monsters and it explores the tales behind mythical creatures, how they came to be, the myths surrounding them and their possible origins in the natural world.
It features an animatronic Cyclops.
I would be proud to attend such an exhibit and proud to bring the whole family. You may learn more about the exhibit at the Museum's website (www.nhm.ac.uk).
Thank you for your consideration.
All the Leisurely are cordially invited to join me for a massive scorpion bowl at the Hong Kong after this sucker debuts.
The Leisure Agency is seeking News Editors to help find and write up Leisure-related news items for the site. The ability to view the news of the world with an eye for Leisure, locate interesting links, and briefly summarize Leisurely findings is all that is required. The job should not be a burden to you - post as often or as little as you like. We would not want your News Editor duties to cut into your Leisure time!
To apply, simply write up a sample story and send it to the News Department along with links, if applicable. We'll contact you after reviewing your submission.
Dear friends, this is my first foray into the world of journalism. I am glad that you could join me on this adventure! Right now, I am testing the authoring capabilities of this page at the request of my good friend and colleague Agent Hilatron.
So far everything seems to be working fine. I hope to post more news in the future. Thanks very much to The Leisure Agency for giving me this opportunity. To the best of my ability, I shall use it for the good of mankind.