A PSA from Your Layout Artist at Large
New things, old things
Plaid madness
Alas, poor Kenmore.
Newish year, new dress, not much else to say
Halloween stuff
Priorities
Well that oughta show you, waking mind
Hot
Can I get you a refill, honey?
Bad Timing
Paragon of Grace
Sternest Meanings
Red Rock Cliffs
For the completist
Hygiene Strip for Fitting Only
Dibs dibser dibsest
A Saga Endeth
What to do?
What's up?
Urgent, send backup
A Bee, a Bitch, a Bescheid
Don't show this to the What Not to Wear ladies (wait, don't they give you five grand for new clothes? Okay, totally show this to them. But I am climbing into the dumpster to get my skirt back after the show).
I am doomed.
It's called a WIZARD, for starters
Inspiration
Where is the Activities Director when you need her?
Conversation with Dad
Science
I know, let's poke a Tasmanian Devil with a stick.
Correspondence #6: An Open Letter to My Upstairs Neighbor's Bass Boost
Vocabulary Challenge: Sunday morning insomnia edition
Moment of Despair for the Future of Humanity: December edition
Words mean things!
Happy Halloween!
Mysterious Halloween Poll!
The gray skies make my eyes so tired.
I Can Quit Anytime
Well, hi.
Undorsement
Know what sucks?
Batten down
Really? All that?
I am going to try just lying down on my problems, too.
As if Dame Fashion were not enough of a reason to bring back the parasol.
I think someone got their Noodly Appendage all up in my rental truck measurements.
Today's Moment of Despair for the Future of Humanity*
Plotz, Plotz, Move, Move, Oh...Crap.
I was not warned
Please Acknowledge My Dismay
Hamlet: answered
Safe journey, space fans
Announcing:
Help!
Selected recent events
Excuse me, Miss, do you have ID?
Phone Call
Three Cheers!
Um, Hello.
Coming to You Live from the Land of Unmaterialized Web Projects*
Notes
Station break
It's a good thing I don't cut fabric like that.
Your Assistance Urgently Needed to End This Scourge
I went to a magic show and the magician used me for the 'disappearing box' trick and then he forgot the words to bring me back!
The Blogatron Top Nine: Most Hated Modern 'Conveniences'
Extend. Retract!
Tuesday Miscellany, or, This Blog Is Starting to Need a Glossary
Blue Pompoms Would Make My Butt Look Perkier, But Oh Well.
Thank you note
Filing
There's no 'I' in 'Repressed Masses'
A Little of the Old Good/Bad
Please Adjust Your Lexica
Pzzzzt. Bjong. Waaah!
In Which I Cause Miss Manners's Brow to Furrow (and Am Also Not Very Original)
Your Nominees, Please
Rock the Tote
I am Jack's cry for help.
Dance, Robot, Dance
Honor to serve
REVIEW: Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Beauty Sleep
Requisite 2004 in review post
Can't Complain About the Weather
Another Lame List
Yawn
Thesis: Why My Pants Do Not Fit
Multiple Choice
Ha ha, that's a good one (jackass).
Hey, Internet.
The List Thing
I TOLD you things were going to be boring.
Run run run run, make a bag or two
This is what happens, jackasses.
How Five People Learned to Make Your Kids Ignorant and Give Them Herpes
Allies Step Forward!
Experiments for the Workplace: Beginner Level
Alarming
stockingstockingstockingstocking
Five Buck Revolution
Gaaaaaaaah.
And I thought I was twitchy yesterday.
Gosh I wonder what I will write about today?
Neat and creepy, my favorite.
Tailor Made
Not Above Repurposing
Suggestion Box
That takes care of that.
Reasonable People
Back
Upgrading's a bitch.
Got Vote?
Glossary
Grrr. Rowr!
On the Bus to Concord
How the Other Half Lives
I Showered With a Centipede This Morning
Appliance Update
Start Your Engines
Spy vs. Spy
Finally.
Why I Love the Bureaucracy
Engraved Invitation
What I Learned from the RNC
Oh-So-Poli...ow ow ow I can't take it.
Moon and Cars
Watch out Brookline!
More Freud
Aftermath
I Sure Hope David Caruso Never Reads This
Happy Self-Loathing Thursday!
Message from the Editors
Freudian Typo
Please Pardon Me if This Is Hackneyed
Regarding No. 3, of Yesterday
Oh-so-political closing night observations
Wednesday's oh-so-political observations: late edition
Four more oh-so-political observations.
Three oh-so-political DNC observations
Heads-up Followup
Heads-up
Home Improvement
My Fidget is the Best
Motherfuckers Motherfuckers Motherfuckers
A Word On Euphemisms
It's Hard Looking This Good
Your Question of the Day
NEW INCOMING MESSAGE
Someone Watched Too Much Popeye as a Kid, Obviously.
Just pretty much a collection of stuff I did.
"Transporting One, Plus Rider. Fuckhat."
Needle Pionts to Empty
The Latest Development
Your Mission
This Just In
Project Dad #4: Customer Service Voice
Stop. Breathe. Go again!
As the channels that we
Your Monday Dose of Unimportance
Project Dad #3: Regressing
Visit and Purchase, Mortal
A Pox Upon the Boston Marathon
Project Dad #2: Welcome to the Merrimack County Probate Court
It's Good To Be a Heathen
I still love you, baby.
One Booster Shot of Vitamin Sure, Stat
Project Dad #1: What I Learned at the Hospital
Five things that happened today
You have no idea how long I sat here trying to come up with a title for this one.
Gobble Gobble Hey
Keep it down, you.
Auspicious Beginning
Toe in the Water
Survey
A Bad Sign
Listen to this, my anxious friend.
Not as bad as it looks.
If it were an Oscar speech, they'd have to start playing the music
Hungry Hungry Hilatron
Confidential to some of the people I pass on the way to work:
Is It Me?
Dividing Line
Slackers post links
I'm not dead...
Completely unrelated things and links.
Lessons Learned in the Last 37 Hours
Blogatron's Guide to the Democratic Presidential Candidates as High School Love Interests
A Series of Paragraphs With Headings*
Just a Simple Request
Three Open Letters
This link will only work for five minutes or so.
When You Are Feeling Blue Just Think of Me
Hiss, spit.
Two buses, a million train rides, mad fun
Anxiety Abounds
The First (and Only) Lower Body Blaster™ Update
A list of funny things
Candles for your cake
Merry
No place like home.
What the Kids Are Listening To.
Record: Straight
Martha Stewart wouldn't make it past three a.m.
Drop This in Your Mailbox, You Bastard.
Bargain Shopping for Science
Let's Get the Experts Working on This
A Word, Please
More
Wish List
The Weekend In Thanks
This Just In
Cough Sneeze Rant
Ow.
Mucous 1, Robots 0
How 'Bout That Weather?
No More Mr. Nice Day
Sew Forth.
Consume! Consume!
Happy Halloween!
Selected Recent Events Which May Indicate That I Should Consider a Career in Slapstick Comedy or the Like
I made things.
CONVERSATIONS WITH MY METABOLISM (A Play)
You want to be mad but you just can't resist these puppy-dog eyes.
This is what happens when you elect a president who can't spell 'disestablishmentarianism.'
Go Robot Go!
Aaaaaaah.
The Story of Mrs. Wilbur
No More Miss Crankypants. Well, Less of Her, Anyway.
My New Favorite Word is "Done."
I Live In Fear.
Hello, Doctor.
What Shelly Duvall would find in my typewriter.
Who? What? When? Where? Why?*
I tell myself that things are not as dire as they seem.
And you get to play with glue, too.
She's Crafty. She gets around.
Avast, etc!
Fa-fa-fashion? Fu-fu-fuhgeddaboudit.
A Lesson in Tact
Back to work, Missy!
May the Circle Be Unbroken
When Pants Go Too Low
The Funny Thing About Senses
Moving on, plus random notes
Petulant Wednesday
Laborless Days
Vrrrroooooom
Where Credit is Due
Suggestion, Question, Statement, Lament
What do you mean I can't drink Mai Tais at work?
You slacker!
Tiki
Question of the Day
Luxuries I Would Like to Have
She looks good. By comparison. I think.
In the Red
The requisite birthday post
Off-Season
And not the glamorous kind, either, but the crazy old lady kind.
Wait, is this me? I can't tell.
A Tip for the Gentlemen
A Mile in Your Shoes, and All It Did Was Make Me More Right
By request
The Secret Life of an Incoherent Robot
Priorities
Produce Cowboy
They Call Me 'The Browser.'
Much Better Now
Guest Entry: The Roots of "Flake."
Like When Your Boss Calls from the Cruise Ship "To See How Things Are Going." That Nosy Bastard.
Guest Entry: A BLOG IN NEED IS A BLOG, INDEED
The Countdown Continues
Blogcation, Trying to Get Away
My New Career Plan:
INTEROFFICE MEMO
Cranky Consumertron
That was a close one.
Please Pass the Play-Doh, I Think I'm On a Roll Here
Cross Those Legs, Ladies
Blech.
My two-word review of "28 Days Later:"
Dear Searcher:
If You Believe in Omens
Things, things, and more things
This Is Not My Sports Bra, These Are Not My Ergonomic Shoes
Elsewhere
Tip
Oops, My Bad.
Who Put This Big Block Here?
What the hell is going on in there?
Brain, Brain, Go Away
Weekend Update
Low Expectations
Say "beep!"
Sometimes I Wonder About You Humans.
The Yin, the Yang
What do I pay you people for?
I'm just, I'm just Murray in a box
Sinking to Guttenberg
Mr. Wizard, where are you?
Child of Fortune
The Names of Murray
"I'll just use it to watch movies," yeah right.
I might not know what the hell I'm doing, but I've got your back anyway.
How to have a midlife crisis at the age of 27
Best Search Ever
The Karaoke, It Gave Me the Flashbacks
Two Dreams
The TardyTron 5000 FAQ
Jet-Setting, But Without the Jet
Please Show Me All Your Ver-Sah-Chees
I'll take the big phallic symbol every time.
First Kill of the Season.
Country Western Soundtrack for a Monday
Humility Is...
The reason I should not be a parent is:
Not Nearly Enough
Pigeonhole Me, Baby!
The Dog Lady
Gonna Miss Her Song, Yeah, Gonna Miss Her Smile.
So. Full.
Mystery solved.
Taking the Robot Down a Peg
The Theme Dinner Roulette FAQ
Amy Island
My Client Pleads 'Better than Thou.'
Where do I deduct the psychological damage?
B-r-r-r-r-ing it On-n-n-n.
Congratulations! It's your turn to clean the bathroom, by the way.
When I Raided the Discarded Mail Pile.
Important Announcement
Well, you have to admit they do kind of ask for it.
A plea from the Editors
In Which I Channel My High School Literary Magazine Self, But Just for Your Amusement (I Promise), and Only for a Moment (Pinky Swear).
A fellow sufferer?
I don't know why I bother.
Inventory
Murray's Motto:
My First Psychiatric Disorder
Heavens to Betsy.
Countdown
Pour me a gallon of rum, talk to me about endangered monkeys, and I'm all yours.
The Stop & Shop Bagger Interview Guide
How did my morning go? This is how.
Correspondence #5: Rejected Testimonial Letters
A Momentary Loss of My Usual Aplomb
Can't Make a Tron a Housewife
Thanks for Coming, Get Home Safe
A Very Merry Unbirthday to Me!
Where is My Future?
Today's Unlikely Fantasy
Tips on Not Getting Your Sorry Ass Torn Asunder By a Deranged Robot Wielding a Pink Umbrella
The Great Striped Hunter
Get your lazy butt out there with a shovel, mortal!
Let's Do the Time Warp, By Accident!
I Luv U, Vicodin
Hmmmm...ph?
Though the glue is still wet and the doily crooked, I thrust it into your shoebox anyway.
We're already beyond diplomacy, Mr. Cat.
Ten Reasons Why I Am Maybe Not Cut Out For This Administrative Assistant Thing
What is Sexy?
Who's the Daddy?
By the way...
Clang, Clang, Clang Went the Trolley
This and That
I'm Joining the Geese and the Rich People (Part 2)
I'm Joining the Geese and the Rich People (Part 1)
Yikes
Your Headlines for Tonight: Crap, Cynical Crap, and Meaningless Crap
Oh, Dear.
Hurry, hurry!
Sentimental Journey
We Have a Little Business To Take Care Of, You and I.
Hic Hic Hurray
Consider Yourself Devalued, Mister
A Rare Opportunity for the Right Young Go-Getter
Righting Wrongs, Matey
Dilemma
Correspondence #4: Summons
The Adventures of Phlemmo
1s and 0s! 1s and 0s! Halleluiah! Halleluiah!
Two Thousand, Six Hundred, Twenty-Two Dollar and Forty-Five Cent Cat
Searchy search search
2003
Rejected New Year?s Resolutions
Merry Trails to You (The Requisite Traveling Whinge)
Correspondence #3: Notes for the Laundry Room
These Thighs? Oh, I'm Taking These to the Pound Tomorrow, or, Grrrr.
Google Search I Ching
Sassy
Linky Winky
It's not the leak that gets you, it's the monsters.
How dumb is she?
Bizarro-Tron
How To Be A Customer
Reaching
With a bullet!
Hilatron's To Do List: 12/01/02
A Five-Year Plan, You Say?
What's in that shit?
State of the Tron
Miscellaneous bleeps and boops
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cut it out!
Meditations Whilst Gardening
Pimpin!
Blogatron's Promotion Plan
Snip snip cringe
Halloween fun!
A Girl's Gotta Do What a Girl's Gotta Do.
Looking for me? Just check The Pile.
Here we are, world!
Oogy-Boogy!
Aw, shucks.
Slogans
Important Lessons I Have Not Learned
MOVIE REVIEW: "The Legend of Hell House"
How To Talk On the Telephone
How To Go To the Grocery Store
Correspondence #2, or, things I should have thought up at the time.
I'm Horrified.
TV REVIEW: Push, Nevada
MOVIE REVIEW: "Master of the Flying Guillotine"
I Hate You! (No, not you.)
The Answer!
What Hotbot Told Me.
MOVIE REVIEW: "Ricky-Oh: The Story of Ricky"
Games for Cats and People
Message from the Editors
Doombotrant
Statistics
Hi, my name is Hilatron, and I'm a trashoholic.
I'm here, but for how much longer?
A Quick Survey
Update
Correspondence #1
MOVIE REVIEW: "Lisa and the Devil"
Ack!
Not much to see here...
How to Respond to a Centipede Infestation
Welcome to Brookline!
The L to the U to the something else.