So I don't think I've mentioned here that I'm looking forward to an across-the-board real estate upgrade: in addition to the upcoming apartment move*, my work is expanding their space and I will be moving into an office as opposed to the...nook? alcove? divot? I currently inhabit. This is very exciting, except that whenever I ask my betters when the move is likely to happen they get this sort of shifty look and start talking about carpeting. I understand that to make a time estimate about anything involving construction is to invite the wrath of the gods, but I would really appreciate a ballpark idea of how much longer I'll have to go on not STABBING THE HECK OUT OF the person to whom my alnoovot is adjacent. It is getting harder and harder, and I ask you, could you resist enacting a little vigilante justice against a person whose crimes include:
-Whistling Under the Influence...of classical music, or, more recently, what you refer to as "Alternative Pop" on WFNX, meaning that in addition to the whistling I now have to listen to that one Killers song like 50 times per hour
-Reckless (and Arrhythmic) Finger-Tapping
-Talking While Chewing
-The Conducting of Meetings Where You Sit Slightly In Front of Me and to My Left, While the Second Person Sits Slightly Behind Me and to My Right, and You Both Shout Over My Head At Each Other
-The Treating of the Telephone As Though It Were Not in Fact a Piece of Advanced Technology, But a Sort of a Cup-and-String Affair Into Which You Must Shout Boomingly (Often While Chewing)
-Slurpy Sipping
-Overly Frequent and Extraordinarily Loud Nut-Eating
-Melodramatic Sighing
-Strange and Seemingly Subconscious Grunting, Groaning and Ahem-ing
-Overly Vigorous Keyboard and Calculator Usage
-Sundry Non-Specific Auditory Offenses
-Turning Off the Air-Conditioning When You Leave Early, Like What Am I, Invisible?
*Perhaps I have not mentioned? That we are moving? And that I hate moving? And that we are one tchotchke away from a Collyer Brothers-style meltdown? And that there is nowhere to put the boxes? And help?
Posted by hilatron at June 22, 2005 11:12 AM | TrackBack