Blogatron

Appliance Update

The new toaster oven might be too much for me. It is bigger than the old toaster oven - it didn't look so big in the store with its modern brethren, but in our kitchen it looms over the dish drainer, an alien being with its gleaming, white, strangely aerodynamic body and its blue "Oven On" light. It ticks while it toasts and its ding when finished is a mighty ding that sounds across the land.

This morning it eyed my bagel with disdain. "Toasted bread?" it boomed in a rumbling, elegant bass. "Surely you know that I am capable of cooking a nine-inch pizza or heating a small rotisserie chicken, as described in my informational brochure." When it walks (as I am sure it can, while we sleep) around the apartment, I imagine that it sneers at our belongings. "Tell me that isn't...IKEA." We are not up to its standards, I'm afraid. On the plus side, it did grant me a bagel this morning. Let us hope that I stay in its good graces.

In unrelated news, surely someone with good taste like yours is not going to let these lovely household goods go homeless. Tomorrow night is the end of this gravy train, people! After that you're going to have to pay retail prices. Don't say I didn't warn you.