September 11 happened. Lots of innocent people died. Therefore, we should vote for Bush.
And live in fear, because it could happen again, although President Bush will make sure that it doesn't happen, although if it does it is because those terrorists are very wily and also they hate Freedom!
Freedom!
Lower taxes!
Black people are Republicans!
Women are Republicans!
Your gay daughter is good for sitting in the VIP section of the audience, but not for bringing out on stage at the triumphant end of your speech. No word on whether she's a Republican!, though.
It is possible to make a case for the Iraq war simply by mentioning September 11 and Saddam Hussein in the same sentence over and over again.
The entire Republican party has apparently been afflicted with a speech impediment which renders them incapable of uttering the words "Osama Bin Laden."
But, never mind that, Freedom!
Dick Cheney was "not like other teenagers." Huh. Never would have guessed that.
Though it seems nearly inconceivable, Republican delegates have even less rhythm and even worse fashion sense than Democratic delegates.
How to make the Republican delegates cheer wildly: mention crushing "the enemy," talk about your "resolve," or bring out a "Democrat" to spew right-wing talking points (and a leeetle bit of crazy) while his glinting laser-like eyes bore into your very soul PERHAPS IN ORDER TO STEAL IT BECAUSE HE HAS CLEARLY LOST HIS OWN.
How to make the Republicans boo wildly: make a reference to Michael Moore.
How to make the Republicans chant and dance: say "Flip Flop!" or make any mention of John Kerry's ability to respond to changing conditions rather than bull-headedly blasting his way through all situations using the same tactics and the same ten buzzwords again and again despite clear evidence that they're not working. Uh, we mean having "resolve."
How to make the Republicans slowly work themselves up to uncertain, lukewarm, conflicted applause: mention women in the work force.
During the DNC, I muttered, "Jesus Christ! Is it possible to be involved in politics without mentioning your belief in God every five minutes please?" Oh, how innocent I was.
Freedom!
But, remember, we are living in a time of Terror! So, cherish Freedom! But be Afraid!
And enjoy your lower taxes!
Hey, did we mention the really bad things that happened on September 11? Maybe you should vote for Bush, because, you know, he was president when those things happened. Did you know that he went around and comforted people and stuff, and that the deaths made him sad? I mean no other president would have done that, you know.
Also, Freedom!
Remember that people who ask about WsMD in Iraq are just crazy people, because Saddam Hussein was a horrific dictator, never mind that we are the ones who brought up the WsMD as a rationale for war in the first place, because Saddam was really bad. Hey, have we mentioned September 11 and the fact that we live in a time of Terror! Saddam Hussein! Really bad! September 11! Four more years! Uh, we mean four more years of President Bush, of course!
Posted by hilatron at September 2, 2004 10:40 PMI suspect that Dick Cheney was the kid that, if you got assigned to square-dance with him in gym, your friends would all make fun of you.
(But to be fair, I suspect that this was also true of John Kerry, though not of John Edwards. And I think Bush was the kid whose friends would make fun of him for having to dance with you.)
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Posted by: sherry at September 4, 2004 07:09 AMHey, did we mention that we put Saddam Hussein in power in the first place? Not to mention the Taliban! (great blogs, hilatron, I read 'em all)
Posted by: wayne at September 4, 2004 11:22 PM