Blogatron

Oh-So-Poli...ow ow ow I can't take it.

I was going to suffer through the RNC in order to bring you a fair and balanced exploitation of both conventions' irrelevant, amusing moments. But Monday's event managed to effectively lampoon itself with no help from me in the first twenty minutes of prime-time. I mean what am I supposed to do with this material? Let's review:

1) As C-SPAN made ready for the big wank of the evening, they showed an unidentified band playing woo-hoo-let's-get-revved-up music at an undisclosed location (maybe the convention floor, but it was very hard to tell). The song they were playing? Chain of Fools. In case you were raised in a closet with cotton stuffed in your ears, here's an excerpt from the lyrics:

For five long years
I thought you were my man
Now I've found out
I'm just a link in the chain
You've got me where you want me
I ain't nothing but your fool
You treated me mean
You treated me cruel

The rest of the song goes on in a similar vein, about a woman who's with this terrible man who treats her like crap, but she can't get enough of his good loving and plans to stay with him nonetheless. It's a great song, an undisputed soul classic, but one has to question the wisdom of playing it for this particular cause. Seems like sort of an odd choice for someone running for re-election, don't you think?

2) After some supremely awkward ceremonial woohaw, we were then treated to the traditional singing of the National Anthem. By a 13-year-old girl. With the world's flattest Minnesota accent - some of those long notes just about did me in. Wearing, I shit you not, a camouflage-patterned chiffon dress through which you could see her belly button.

3) And finally, a medley of show tunes that kicked off with a selection from West Side Story including, again I shit you not, excerpts from the song America.

Now I can understand if you are not up with the musical theater, but the Broadway performers staging the medley don't have that excuse, so I have to believe that this was out-and-out subversion. The song America, see, is not exactly a red-white-and-apple pie hymn of praise. Although the performers chose lyrics like "Everything's free in America!" for their medley, the song as a whole is actually a bitter, angry little satire, sung by Puerto Rican immigrants, some of whom still yearn for the American dream and some who point out that "Life is all right in America...if you're all white in America!" Again, not exactly the image the Republicans are going for in their convention. I'm surprised this made it past all the organizers, to be honest - I mean I don't even really like musicals and I immediately associate that song with criticism of that "Land of Opportunity" ideal that the Republicans are so desperately trying to sell us. Who dropped the ball there?

Anyway, then I watched the speeches, and became very afraid and depressed, and now I want to hide in a bunker with a year's supply of Paxil and my blankie, far away from the terrifying image of Ron Silver's angry, quivering, bloodthirsty jowls. But that's a whole other post.

(For funnier stuff, see also 1001 Things to Hate About the Convention. I'm not a huge NYP fan but at least three of my co-workers have come back here to ask what the hell I'm snorting and cackling about today, and I'm only down to #500.)

Posted by hilatron at September 1, 2004 02:09 PM | TrackBack