Blogatron

A Word, Please

Boston: let's drop the pretense. I have seen the center of your conflicted soul. I know that despite your blustering pride, your seeming complacency, your Blueblood ways, you're just a little bit annoyed to be part of, you know, dour old New England. You long to be associated with something classier, flashier, than maple syrup and sleigh rides; you feel a bit cheated that a big city like you gets lumped in with all this Olde Worlde Shitte.

But. Still. There are certain realities that you cannot deny. One of these is snow. You might like to pretend that minor, worldly details like the weather do not affect you, Boston, but you know very well that's not true. Can we just be honest for a moment? If we're honest, the outside world looks something like this:

And if you'd just admit it, we could all be a lot happier. For example, Boston, you could stop driving so damn fast. Pedestrians would not have to watch, transfixed, as Jeeps hit their brakes for an intersection, and the wheels stop spinning, but the Jeeps keep on sliding towards the crosswalk anyway. That would be refreshing. Oh, and while we're at it, you might take a moment to work on the concept of going around corners, instead of over or through them. I won't get into the idea that stop signs are anything stronger than a polite request. No need to tax your resources at this difficult time.

And another thing. Your pedestrians, for the most part, are not making things any better. What is with the walking in the middle of the street, backs to oncoming traffic? It makes us all look bad. I mean do we really need to create more hostility between those in cars and those on foot? Now that we need to share traffic space, I would think that that is the last thing we want.

What's that you say, Boston? You want to know why the pedestrians do not use the sidewalk like they are supposed to? Well, if you are so into the rules and things, maybe you could have a talk with your homeowners. It might behoove them, for example, to think about clearing the vast snowdrifts from in front of their abodes. Besides performing a public service, these citizens could then rest easy in the knowledge that they are far less likely to have the wrath of a damp and panicky robot visited upon them.

I know, Boston. There there. I mean, I'd like to be in southern California right now, too. But we're not, and the strongest thing we can do is admit it.

Say it with me now, Boston: I'm in New England. I am a New Englander. I accept that the snow is part of the deal. I promise to stop acting all googly-eyed with shock every time it happens.

Posted by hilatron at December 9, 2003 10:03 PM | TrackBack