(Edited, exaggerated and enhanced for your edification.)
(In other words, entirely not true, except in spirit.)
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June 15, 2003
To: Hilatron
From: Bosslady
Re: E-mail you forwarded to me
I don't understand.
-Bosslady
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June 15, 2003
To: Bosslady
From: Hilatron
Re: E-mail I forwarded to you
Dear Bosslady,
The e-mail I forwarded to you is a response from that guy who e-mailed us from Turkey asking for more information about our program. I offered to snail-mail him documents X, Y, and Z, as you requested. He replied that he can't receive regular mail very reliably, so could we please e-mail something. I cannot send documents Y and Z as e-mail attachments for various reasons, so, as I asked in my comment on the e-mail that I forwarded to you, I was wondering if there is an acceptable substitute for documents Y and Z.
Best,
Hilatron
--
June 22, 2003
To: Hilatron
From: Bosslady
Re: E-mail you forwarded to me
Just ask for his address and send them by mail. It's no problem to pay international shipping!
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June 22, 2003
To: Bosslady
From: Hilatron
Re: E-mail I forwarded to you
Dear Bosslady,
Actually, the cost of international shipping was not the problem. The problem, it seems, is that our Turkish correspondent has difficulty receiving things by mail (please see the second sentence of his four-sentence e-mail). Thus, he wants us to e-mail something instead. Please see the rest of my previous message, circled in yellow for your convenience, for details.
Best,
Hilatron
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June 30, 2003
To: Hilatron
From: Bosslady
Re: E-mail you forwarded to me
It's okay to e-mail documents X, Y and Z. Could you do this right away please. He got my e-mail address somehow and is very impatient to resolve this!
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June 30, 2003
To: Bosslady
From: Hilatron
Re: E-mail I forwarded to you
Dear Bosslady,
I would be happy to e-mail documents, but as I stated on June 15 (please see passage circled in orange), two of the documents you picked out cannot be e-mailed. Would you like to substitute other documents?
Best,
Hilatron
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July 1, 2003
To: Hilatron
From: Bosslady
Re: E-mail you forwarded to me
Why can't we e-mail things, I thought we just upgraded our computer?
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July 1, 2003
To: Bosslady
From: Hilatron
Re: E-mail I forwarded to you
Dear Bosslady,
The problem is not related, in any way, to the upgradedness of our computer. Nor does the cost of international shipping cause the slightest obstacle whatsoever. Here is the problem: we need to send certain documents which give certain information about the program. They need to be sent via e-mail. You had selected three appropriate documents, but alas, only one of them can be successfully sent via e-mail, no matter what computer system one uses. The reason for this is that two of the documents are actually reports drawn from a large, company-wide database, and without sending him an enormous file which would reveal vast quantities of confidential information (which I am not authorized to do anyway), I cannot e-mail these reports - only print them. Thus, I was wondering if there are other documents, besides these database reports, which might supply the information this gentleman requires.
Best,
Hilatron
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July 7, 2003
To: Hilatron
From: Bosslady
Re: E-mail you forwarded to me
Can you contact tech support for help with this ASAP?!?
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July 7, 2003
To: Bosslady
From: Hilatron
Re: E-mail I forwarded to you
Dear Bosslady,
Tech support has informed me that they cannot authorize me to release confidential information or to tamper with the database. Perhaps there is a substitute document you'd like to send?
Best,
Hilatron
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July 7, 2003
To: Hilatron
From: Bosslady
Re: E-mail you forwarded to me
I don't understand.
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July 8, 2003
To: All Staff
From: Human Resources
Re: Yesterday's Incident
Dear Staff Members,
Just wanted to let you know that Hilatron has been sedated and is resting comfortably. She is expected to be released on her own recognizance in the next few days, and will receive an evaluation at that time to see whether coming back to work is appropriate for her at this time. Flowers and cards can be sent to: Brookline Imaginary Psychiatric Hospital, Room 666, Brookline, MA.
Posted by hilatron at July 7, 2003 04:47 PMI believe that you must now work for someone I once worked for. I just wanted to let you know that although, I laffed my ass off after reading this. I am very sympathetic to your problem. Shall we put a contract out on the bosslady. Robots Unite!!!
Posted by: bonnietron at July 8, 2003 12:51 AMThe funny thing about my bosslady is, she is not dumb. It is just so hard to get her to focus on any particular detail of one's own tiny little peon existence, so difficult to get past her assumptions and preoccupations, that I secretly wish to hop up and down and throw things sometimes.
I guess, though, that if I were the bosslady, I would do my best to gloss over the details too. I am starting to hate details with a passion.
Posted by: Hilatron at July 8, 2003 07:20 AMTo complete the effect, you should've posted those in reverse order with plenty of >>>>>'s - it's so much fun to come back from vacation to some long e-mail string like that :-).
Posted by: adamg at July 8, 2003 01:50 PM