Blogatron

Cross Those Legs, Ladies

This is kind of creepy to me.

Let me say now: I'm okay with virgins. You haven't had sex? Never plan to have sex? Waiting till marriage/the right person/the next appearance of Haley's Comet? Had sex, decided it wasn't for you, giving it up? No problem; to each his or her own.

But, these people: they seem to have some strange ideas. There are a lot of facets to the abstinence promotion movement, and I'm not megalomaniacal enough to think that you want to hear what I think about them all. I'll let you check out the sites of The National Abstinence Clearinghouse and True Love Waits, two of the organizations represented at the Las Vegas virginity conference, in order to draw your own conclusions if you wish.

The small thing that I am having my small ideas about is the concept that these out-n-proud virgins seem to have about their virginity. A few of the things they do to get "the kids" to spread the message are just kind of disturbing. From the article:

Convention exhibitors displayed various abstinence items, including "Keep It" underwear depicting a large red stop sign with the message "No Trespassing."

Okay, sure, ha-ha. These panties and boxers, with their twee self-deprecating silliness and their twisted message, are so ineffectual as to be hilarious. It's always painful to see someone trying too hard, "talking to the kids in their own language," joking around to show that they're cool. If this product could talk, it would use just the kind of misguided, desperate tone that I remember the elementary school guidance counselor employing as he and a dolphin puppet tried to enlighten an auditorium full of stony-faced kids about the importance of street safety.

But, funny as they are from a snarky outsider's perspective, imagine for a moment that this message is serious and meaningful to you: "Keep It." "No Trespassing." Kind of makes you feel that virginity is a commodity, property to be protected, doesn't it? The sites referenced above make this point even more explicitly: in A Special Date a parent writes about exhorting his daughters not to have sex before marriage so that they can give their future husbands "the best gift [they] could ever receive from a person."

Virginity, you see, makes you more valuable. This, I assume, is why "the virgin brigade passed out about 5,000 "Good Girl Cards" to mostly female passerbys (sic)." Now, I agree that virgins could use a little positive word-of-mouth: when I was in high school, "virgin" was a dirty word, even for the girls, who had to walk the shifting and treacherous line between prude and slut. But this is rather loaded terminology. If avowed virgins are "Good Girls," then what exactly are the rest of us? Well, that's really not too tough to figure out. Is it always essential to boost your own identity by slamming another? Couldn't we have, oh, "Being a Virgin Works For Me!" cards instead?

The Abstinence Clearinghouse (which, while it claims to be secular, seems to talk about God and throw around words like "pure" with great frequency) has a lot to say about the benefits of abstinence. Under its Abstinence Statistics and Studies section, you can find many articles (although not a whole lot of actual statistics or studies) telling of the positives of abstinence and the dangers of sexual activity. Titles like "Study Links Teen Sex with Suicide" and "The sexual abstinence message causes positive changes in adolescent behavior" make great claims for virginity, despite the frequent need to qualify their findings. "Correlation is not causation, but there's enough of a link between teen sex and depression to draw nods from most young women I've shown this study," is the highly scientific conclusion from the author of the alarmingly titled "Sexually Active Girls' Lament: Why didn't I wait?" On the other hand, those who remain virgins until marriage are more likely to stay married, less likely to attempt suicide, and more satisfied with their sex lives.

While I have a number of issues with the way the Clearinghouse's authors draw their conclusions, my purpose is not to analyze the logical fallacies and misleading interpretations found in many of their articles. What I find curious about the view of Virginity As Free Pass is that it doesn't seem far removed from the trap that these groups claim awaits teenage girls who do give it up. The argument is that girls often have sex in order to hang onto guys, who think nothing of manipulating them into doing things they're not ready for (no word on the damaging effect of premarital sex on the boys, by the way ? in time-honored tradition, virginity is primarily the responsibility and potential downfall of the girls). So, apparently, virginity is also a commodity for these lost souls ? but it's one that they're willing to trade for the lesser prize of momentary attention from a heartless male, instead of the "sure thing" of marriage (divorce is a topic rarely discussed at the Abstinence Clearinghouse, unless it's to note how much more often it occurs among people who practice premarital sex).

I don't want to imply that abstinence isn't right for many people, or that teenagers don't often have sex for unhealthy reasons or find themselves unready to handle the emotional fallout from it. Although I have some problems with the abstinence movement, especially when it is proposed as a replacement for sex education, I don't disagree with all of their points. But if there is a problem with teens and sex, it seems to me that encouraging them to think of sex as a form of currency, and of their virginity as property that needs to be protected from marauding trespassers; to imply to young girls that the only way for them to be "good" is to be untouched; to enforce the idea that once you cross that line you're damaged goods, is the wrong way to go about it. Whether you come out on the save-it or spend-it side, isn't this an unhealthy attitude?

Sex or lack thereof is not a status symbol, a badge of dishonor, a one-way ticket to hell, or a gift to save for a lucky husband. It's an act. Sex has consequences: joyful release, procreation and emotional connection on the one hand, and unwanted pregnancy, disease, and emotional upheaval on the other. But no matter how high the stakes are, it doesn't change the fact that attaching a currency value to this act will only make the problem worse and the decisions tougher for virgins and non-virgins alike. Teenagers have enough trouble negotiating the demands of their morals, families, social rules and raging hormones as it is. There's no need for groups that claim to have their best interests at heart to turn this into an issue of moral one-upmanship.

Posted by hilatron at June 30, 2003 09:15 PM