Blogatron

Please Show Me All Your Ver-Sah-Chees

In case you are facing, say, an upcoming college reunion, and you need a dress that will make you look particularly fabulous, successful, and ever so "Damn, why didn't I pay more attention to Hilatron...er, I mean, that person, while I had the chance," let me give you the rundown on the styles that can be found at the likes of Filene's Basement, Marshall's, and TJ Maxx this season.

-The "Vegas Hooker" look
-The "Prom Princess" look
-The "Vegas Hooker goes to the Prom" look
-The "I Can See Your Dirty Pillows!" look (aka The Most Popular Girl at the Prom)
-The "Peasant Girl at the Cocktail Party" look*
-The "Preppie Girl at the Beach Party" look
-The "Metal Girl in the Back of the Van" look (aka Animal Prints Do, Too, Look Good On Eveningwear. And In Purple.)
-The "I've Always Wanted to Be Wallpaper" look (aka the Little Black [Yawn] Dress)
-The "My! What Daring Wallpaper!" look (aka the Little Black Dress with a White Floral Pattern)
-The "Ha Ha, Very Funny, No I Am Not the Mother of the Bride" look
-The "Dear God, Why Did You Let Titantic-Era Celine Dion Design Your Dress!?" look (aka Vision in Chiffon)
-The "No, But See, These Sequins Are Tasteful. Really" look
-The "Rayon is Totally Worth $150, Don't Worry About a Thing" look

*Does anyone want to wear the peasant look, at all, anymore? If so, please raise your hand - the better for me to SHOOT YOU, so we can PUT AN END TO THIS FASHION MENACE FOR GOOD AND ALL.