Last night, on my way to bed just moments after Josh had left for some after-hours mixing time in the studio, I was confronted with an ambush attack by the enemy: a large, disgustingly hearty-looking centipede was clinging to the ceiling above the bed, gazing at me with contempt. It didn't even scuttle away when the light came on, the cheeky little bastard. I ran for the broom and returned, adrenaline coursing through my gears. The centipede was still there, and if it had fingernails I am pretty sure it would have been filing them, just to show me how much it thought of me and my broom.
Whack! I whacked away at it, slapping the ceiling tile up into the air a good six inches in my frenzy. The centipede fell onto the bed.
Smack! I slapped it off onto the carpet. It lay there. Dead? Hard to tell, until you see the little bastards in pieces. They're resilient foes.
The men of the house were not up to snuff this evening; not only had Josh abandoned me to fight the good fight, but Murray, when I dragged him into the bedroom, had no interest in disposing of the remains(?) by eating them. Instead, he sniffed the corpse(?) once, decided it was time for a rousing game of chase, and dashed off into the living room.
Armed with gardening gloves and paper towels, I approached the scene. I picked a couple of legs - shudder - off the bedspread, and leaned in to ascertain the damage. It was then that I realized that the beast was still twitching! It was not dead, but just stunned!
I had come too far to give up now. A shoe was handy for finishing the job, and with curled lips and hands held out as far from my body as possible, I swept up the used-to-be-a-centipede bits and threw them away.
It's going to be a long summer, folks, but I'm getting stronger. Let the beasts know: you can scare a robot, you can terrorize her with your scuttly grossness, but you can't keep her down so easily! I am normally a peaceful person, but if they want trouble they know where to look. I'll be there with waist-high waders on.
Now, if you need me, I'll be off sanitizing the bedding.
Posted by hilatron at April 30, 2003 08:07 AMYou brave robot! And written like a true action scene of stealth and bravery!
Posted by: Josephine at April 30, 2003 11:24 AMI had a similar situation last night but lucky for me Mr. Jesse was home. However, we never recovered the spider's body, so I am wary of the bedroom...I always need insect corpse closure before I can truly rest easy...
Posted by: Susan at April 30, 2003 01:09 PMMurderer! ;-)
I just catch critters in a jar or something and throw them outside. Unless they're silverfish or roaches or something that tends to infest.
Hypocritically, I'm not a vegetarian or anything...
Posted by: Dave at April 30, 2003 03:27 PMDave -- they're called HOUSE centipedes for a reason. They INFEST one's HOUSE. I'm vegan and I kill house centipedes with merciless abandon.
Hilatron -- be brave. Be strong. Know that I support you. Dave clearly does not comprehend the dastardliness of this foe. The bed??? That's almost worse than my toilet encounter! Never in my life have I heard a better argument for making the bed!
Posted by: jaimeir at May 1, 2003 10:45 AMWUG! I hate those fuckers. I recommend a bowl of veggie oil, like canola, under your bed. They will be drawn and drown. But perhaps you don't want to see them that much.
Posted by: SJ at May 1, 2003 06:30 PMPLEASE HELP ME I AM BEING INVADED BY THOUSANDS OF TINY CENTPEDES THEY ARE AGRVATING THEY CRAWL OUTSIDE MY HOUSE AND THEY ALSO GET INTO MY HOUSE THEY CRAWL BY THE THOUSANDS HELP ME TO GET RID OF THESE PESTY BASTARDS
Posted by: PENNY at July 12, 2003 10:51 PMHelp! I can't keep choping them in to little chunks. It like I'm getting paranoid every time i see those creepy crawlers i need a faster way of killing those thing b-cuz your method is not working!
Posted by: stef at October 18, 2003 10:05 PMHELP!!!! I have centipedes in my house and I don't know how to get rid of them.... I tried the oil but that didn't work..... any other suggestions??????????????? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Julie at October 23, 2003 04:35 AMOne tries to eat them:)
Posted by: Pasteles at January 15, 2004 06:40 PMMy name, Celeste. My cross to bear: house centipedes. My story begins a stormy december eve, I lay in bed unaware of the horrifying event which would soon unfold. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the godless beast. He was leering at me with a face full of scorn and malice. After recovering from a brief moment of shock, I jumped to my feet ready to take action. Being a vegetarian, I was hesitant to kill the heathen pest. Instead, I quickly grabbed a glass which had been innocently sitting upon my nightstand, unaware of its grisly fate. Trapping the monster underneath the mouth of the glass, I went to fetch a piece of paper in preparation to dispose of the son of a bitch outdoors. To my horror and disgust, when attempting to slide the paper underneath the glass I had amputated several legs which lay twitching and writhing in the carpet (vommiting ensued). The rest of the night was an uncomfortable blur and has left me in a state of panic and paranoia. HOW DO I GET RID OF THESE BEHEMOTH MISCREATIONS??
Posted by: Celeste at January 29, 2004 09:06 AMDave - I suggest you let one of these little mofo's bit you and see how you like it. I am betting you would go out of your way to waste these little bastards.
They are faster than all hell and the most agressive of any insect/spider/snake I have ever seen. If they are in the room and they see you or your feet...they come at you like a friggin' torpedo from an attack submarine.
I have to stop typing now because my skin is crawling something horrible!
Posted by: Craig at April 10, 2004 07:05 AMThese things are in my house, 2 inches long!!! I'm so freaked out and now they are starting to camoflage themselves in my house! Someone please email me some words of advice!!! Please... I can't live there anymore and my parents won't do anything about it! Plus, we have an unfinished basement... and a cat... how can I use pesticides without harming my cat????
Posted by: AJ at April 19, 2004 01:41 PMAJ, AJ, take it easy man, centipedes are there to help u. I for a fact really used to be freaked out by these fast running, nasty looking stripped little creature but then learned... they tell one that your environement might not be ideal for your health there buddy. It's not them you should be worried about, it's the ones that feed these little creature... keep the humidity way down and make sure you're daddy's house isn't rotting away, they love the stuff that grows on moist surfaces but DO NOT eat wood. They also feed on such as spiders and insect larvae. TAKE CARE OF THE FOOD SUPPLY, GET RID OF THE INDESIRABLE.
By they way they can sting, bee's like pain.
Good luck.
i need help on getting rid of them!!!i have gotten bit umm let me count... 25 times and counting!! help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: jack at June 4, 2004 09:44 PM