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What is Sexy?

Last Monday, during my viewing of Joe Millionaire, I had to watch that Victoria's Secret ad. You know, the "there's still a place for 80s hair-metal video girls, albeit with slightly toned-down coiffures" ad? The "it's sexy to wear panties and a blazer to the office" ad? The "everyone loves a girl who's not afraid to operate heavy machinery in her underclothes" ad? Anyway, I suddenly started wondering: when did having wind blowing at one's head become synonymous with "sexy?" You know what I mean. Every time some lazy commercial or fashion shoot director wants to telegraph "oooh baby," they haul out the big fans. And we all just accept that a sexy mama now comes with her own air current.

Then I started thinking about other "sexy" things. Sexy mamas are wet. Sexy mamas are afire. Sexy mamas are covered in mud.

It struck me that it all ties in to the human obsession with the weather. People like their women abused by the elements! My theory is that it is a caveman thing. "My woman is tough. She can withstand a hurricane, a tornado, a landslide. She will forage for berries even during a hailstorm. This picture of her washing the car in a bikini proves that!"

Just remember, the next time your weatherman tells you: "Chance of freezing rain tonight. Gale force winds. High of 35," he is whispering words of sweet, sweet love. Ladies - to land that man, make sure to leave your umbrella at home.