I have finally figured out what my problem is.
Yes, for real this time, shut UP.
My problem is that I have not been taking advantage of all the resources available to me. What I need to get is: interns.
Have you had an internship? They're pretty much really stupid, except for that one guy at everyone's school whose dad got him a gig at Paramount studios and one day he scored cocaine for a wealthy producer and the next thing you know he's directing his first movie. We hate him. For the rest of us, an internship is an exciting opportunity to learn that no matter what your chosen field, they still need people to file, get coffee, run things uptown and paste labels on things. The reason that you do not say, "Yo, I could be getting paid an insufficient living wage for this mindless tedium instead of doing it for free, see ya," of course, is the hope that you will impress those who have made it in the world of whatever your internship is about, form connections, and begin to network. In other words, you are hoping for a reference when you are looking for a real job with no skills, experience or training and people are saying, "Ha, ha! Now, can I see your real resume, Ms. Tron?"
While standing in the "express" lane at the grocery store for the 47th time this week, I was struck with an epiphany. The intern dealie basically boils down to this: free unskilled labor is exchanged for future favors. I, for one, see no reason why this concept should be limited to the working world. I think that there could be all kinds of new ways to apply the intern model. I'm going to post this want-ad at Boston's colleges: Life Interns Wanted!
We all know that the transition from the semi-independence of college to total self-sufficiency can be hard for young people. I know that I, for one, didn't even know what I didn't know about living on my own. "Life Interns" is a program for those who are about to move out of the house. It's a behind-the-scenes look at what it's like to be a grown-up! In other words, I will take the right responsible, mature college juniors and seniors under my wing and show them what important adult duties like laundry, housework, and grocery shopping are all about. We will carefully cover all aspects of my usual drudge- er, adult responsibilities, review how they work, and when the time is right, my Life Interns will be sent out on their own to practice their new skills!
How could someone benefit from running my errands, you ask?
Well.
Not only will you learn some vital truths about shopping on a budget, how shockingly often the carpet gets dirty, and how imperative it is to hit the laundry room before 5 pm on Sunday, I can provide a number of services for Life Interns who really impress me. Hoping to move to the big city when you're out on your own? Your roommate reference letter is on the way! Need some help persuading the parents that you're ready for that summer jaunt through Europe? Have them give me a call! For L.I.s who go the extra mile, the sky's the limit. If I really like you, consider your couch at my disposal whenever you're in town for alumni meetings. You learn to get those dishes cleaned up before I have to ask, and we're talking travel stipend, baby!
If you'd be interested in taking advantage of this opportunity, please e-mail ooohpickme@leisureagency.org. I'll just need your resume, detailed education history, and of course three references. I can't pick just anyone, you know. Filing my DVD collection cannot be left in untrustworthy hands.
Posted by hilatron at January 19, 2003 11:59 PM