I'm feeling all traditional this week - and more than a bit lazy due to this horrific and offensive cold I have - seriously, I think I made a little kid cry in Walgreen's today with my terrifying level of snot production. Therefore, I will hearken back to a blog custom of yore and present some of the search requests which have led people to this site.
First of all, panties - wow. I put that used panties thing in as a joke, people, but there are a lot of people out there searching in earnest for:
1) "used panties" My top referral of all time! woohoo!
2) "cheap panties"
3) "sheer panties"
4) "teenage panties" Whoa. Those would be pretty funky panties, don't you think? Most of my panties only live to be toddlers. Unless there is some conversion system, like dog years - "I've had these panties since 1999, which makes them 86 in panty years!"
Then there's the beauty-related questions.
1) "topless haircut" Does that mean you'd be topless while getting the haircut, or that the haircutter would be topless? Either way, those little itchy hair scraps would be driving one of you crazy in like five minutes. Not a good business model.
2) "beautiful women false eyelashes" An eyelash fetish - that's a new one!
3) "TEENAGE GIRLS WHO SHAMPOO AND CUT HAIR" YOU MUST REALLY NEED TEENAGE GIRLS TO SHAMPOO YOU! I ASSUME THAT IS WHY YOU ARE YELLING! HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE POSSIBILITY THAT YOUR HAIRCUT MIGHT NOT BE ALL THAT GOOD IF GIVEN BY SOMEONE WHO'S STILL TAKING ALGEBRA AND HAS NO TIME FOR BEAUTY SCHOOL? IT'S SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!!!!
Hooray for the person who found me while searching for "goddamn republican," although you must have been rather confused when you ended up here.
Lastly, I can only assume that many a New Year's resolution was "Make sure to look for more sexual content on the web." Not only was there a significant increase in the number of panty-related requests, I've gotten the following two gems in the last couple of days, neither of which bears commentary:
1) "big assed naturalists"
2) "new england bare ass women"
Blogatron - home of the weird ass-related search request!
Posted by hilatron at January 3, 2003 11:34 PMWhile uncertain as to precisely which human values the Hilatron is prepared to crumple in justifiable pursuit of fame and glory for the Blogatron, Doombot cautiously suggests experimenting with phrases like “Fast Cash,” “Inside Stock Trading Secrets,” and “Instant Riches,” etc. Doombot warns that Hilatron may be deluged with responses from goddamn Republicans and/or people whose interior decor comes from the Harriet Carter mail-order catalog, but sacrifices must be made if Bots and Trons expect marketing progress.
Posted by: Doombot at January 5, 2003 10:53 PMI love search requests. One of my most recent was for "obscene fruit". Which I wrote about. Except that it scares me that people are really looking for these things!
Posted by: Belle at January 6, 2003 09:06 AMOscene fruit, eh? Yeah, I know what they're looking for, and it just seems like that's a really ineffective search string to find sites with pictures of ... well, I'll just stop there. ~!-}
With "sex" being the top search term on the 'net, it's not too surprising that these are the top search terms which pull up this site. Just to make things interesting, let me add:
Obscene fruit from New England with fake eyelashes, getting a shampoo and haircut by teenage Republican girls in panties.
That should bring in a steady flow for a while.
Posted by: Josh at January 12, 2003 02:49 PM