Dear Incredibly Slow People:
I realize that your conversation about what to get "him" and "them" for Christmas was engrossing, but next time could you HURRY IT UP WHILE YOU EMPTY THE DRYER DAMMIT? People are waiting, you know.
Everso,
Hilatron
P.S. Nice towels though!
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Dear Person Who Did Nine. Loads. Of Laundry. IN A ROW! On a Sunday:
Dude. Not cool.
Wearily,
Hilatron
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Dear Oh Holy Crap, the Biggest Centipede I Have Ever Seen:
Gaaah!
Cringing,
Hilatron
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Dear Person Who Left a Note the Other Week:
I read your note, as follows: "Please do not remove my items from the washer. I have private things in there and I do not want people to go through them."
Ha, ha. This is not your mommy's house, so either a) Toughen up; b) Arrive at the laundry room before your wash cycle has expired; or c) Buy a washer and dryer of your own. We have places to go, and we do not wish to spend our time sitting around watching the silent machine, waiting for you to mosey in at your leisure.
Sternly,
Hilatron
P.S. Your note has only made everyone more eager to fondle your laundry. "Private things?" We wish to know.
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Dear Nervous Small-Talkers:
We don't really want to talk to you either. Can't you learn to just say hello and then stare at the wall like civilized folk?
Tongue-Tied,
Hilatron
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Dear Pigpen,
I don't know what, exactly, you got all over the folding table, but yuck. Were you raised in a barn?
Grossed Out and Mystefied,
Hilatron
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Dear Whoever Used This Washer Before Me,
You left an entire book in your jeans pocket, didn't you? It's the only explanation.
Needing a Ladle to Get All This Crap Out of Here,
Hilatron
P.S. A BIG book.
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Dear Lundermac Washer Repair:
Here are some current problems with our machines. If you could see to them before my next laundry day, that would be super. Thanks ever so much!
Washer #1: Seems to eat panties.
Washer #3: Smells funny.
Dryer #1: "High" setting is not so much high as it is nuclear.
Dryer #2: Does not go up to "High" at all.
Dryer #3: See Washer #3.
Also, we are concerned with the fact that Washer #2, even when started at the exact same time as Washer #3, finishes a good three minutes earlier. Are we being cheated of important cycles?
Lastly, we seem to be missing Washers and Dryers # 4 through 6, and have been since we moved in here in August. Please reinstate them as soon as possible. Surely, you cannot have intended only three of each machine for this large a building? No, for that is inhumane and laughable.
Sincerely,
Hilatron
In a similar position - three washers, three dryers, for forty units. Today a woman was staring at a dryer which had finished its load. "I'm waiting for the guy to get his stuff." Ooookay. I would have just taken it out, but whatever.
A half hour later, she was still waiting there for the guy to take out his stuff. Ah, to have so little to do.
Posted by: AltoidsAddict at December 23, 2002 03:24 AMi believe laundry machines are really portholes to an alternate universe .... a land where they need single socks and grunders as an energy source. it's the only explanation for their constant and mysterious abductions. occasionally a sock or under garment will escape their evil grasp and return damaged and groty with lint, cringing behind the dryer -- much akin to the guy in "fire in the sky" who was covered in goo and scared of honey for the rest of his days.
Posted by: angela at December 23, 2002 10:44 AMDryers are like hyperdrives.
Why? I think it has something to do with the kumquats they're powered with.
Wait, you want logic? Ehh...sorry...I spent the day packing and watching Legolas shield-surf and banter wittily so my brain is kinda gone. Again.
I feel ya on this one, I share a washer and dryer with my roomate (not as bad as your situation) and I frantically ran to work and threw 4 pairs of jeans in the dryer before i left...i came back, packed my bag to go home for Christmas and was going to wear a pair and pack the rest of the jeans...and my roomate decided she wanted to use the dryer so she threw mine out WETTT and i had to leave at that moment so i wore dirty jeans and packed wet ones :(
Posted by: Christa at December 24, 2002 10:47 PMOne of the best features of an apartment or condo is having a washer and dryer. After having them, I would have to be dragged screaming and kicking to a place that didn't. I don't enjoy spending time in laundromats and would often wait until I had nothing but a holey old sock to wear before I would do the laundry.
Posted by: dan at December 24, 2002 11:43 PM