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MOVIE REVIEW: "Master of the Flying Guillotine"

MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE directed by Jimmy Wang Yu (1975, 93 min.)

I love this movie. I want to inscribe its name in my Trapper Keeper. I want to write "Hilatron + Master of the Flying Guillotine 4EVA" on the bathroom walls, in electric blue eyeliner. I want it to ask me to Prom.

A little history: made in 1975, MotFG became legend despite the fact that it was almost immediately chopped up into about a million inferior, confusingly edited versions. Now, Pathfinder Pictures has gathered several prints and pieced together a definitive "original" version, with new never-before-seen footage to boot, and also subtitles replacing the typically awful dubbing that graced earlier versions. It's coming out on video soon. If you like kung-fu movies, save yourself some time and buy it. If you don't, rent it because it might change your mind.

MotFG begins with an explanation of the Flying Guillotine phenomenon: China's ruling dynasty has trained masters of Kung Fu in the deadly art of the titular weapon in order to drive out rebels. Many have been killed, and the rest of them are in hiding; the task of keeping them in order falls to one Fung Sheng Wu Chi, who is of course the Master of the Flying Guillotine. He's also blind, but that doesn't stop him from whupping some serious ass. Hell, his beard could kick most people's asses. Anyway, the Master learns that his two disciples have been killed by the One-Armed Boxer, a rebel leader who they've been after. This irks the Master. And when the Master is irked, he becomes super-extra-ass-whuppingly cool. My Lord. I can't quite describe the scene in which he gets all ready to go off and do battle; it involved some supercool sound effects, and some astounding displays of attitude. Suffice to say that when he declared, "I will avenge their deaths!" I was compelled to shout aloud, "I BEELIEEVE YOOOU!" like I was at a tent revival or something. He's that cool. Oh, and also we get to see the Flying Guillotine, which is a hat! ?No, it's a beekeeper's helmet! ?No, it's a real nasty head-cutting-off device, of course!

So the Master starts out on his quest to find the One-Armed Boxer. Meanwhile, we visit a Kung Fu school, headed by none other than the man himself. He's teaching his students "the technique of jumping," which consists of Levels One through Three. I believe I am at Level Negative Six or so, since Level One involves balancing on the rim of a straw basket, and I'm lucky if I don't trip and hurt myself getting into the shower. The One-Armed Boxer then demonstrates to his students that he is, himself, an ass-whuppingly cool kinda guy, though not in a showoffy way, of course, as we soon realize that he is the good guy. The good guy is never a showoff. Damn! And I was liking the Master o' the FG so much!

Moving right along, because there hasn't been much fighting yet and we can't have that, we learn that in addition to all this vengeance action there is to be a Kung Fu tournament sponsored by the Eagle Claws School. The One-Armed Boxer is reluctant to attend, but eventually his students talk him into it. Just to observe, you see. Uh-huh. This, of course, promises some excellent fighting to come, which we waste no time getting down to.

And, oh, the tournament. First of all let me just say that modern action directors are losers. Whenever there's a fight, they make with the fast cuts and the close-ups and the visual effects to disguise the fact that their actors can't really do all those superhuman things. Not so in MotFG, however. Here, the filmmakers knew how to keep still long enough for you to see what's going on. Since their participants knew some damn fine martial arts, they were content largely to pull back and let you enjoy them doing their stuff. The camera is by no means static: there's a lot of thought put into choosing shots and angles that parallel the fighting action, but there's no attempt to obscure what's going on, because there's no need. Although many of the movie's characters display supernatural fighting abilities, it's all backed by real-life skill, and it's beautiful to see. Accompanied by excellent bish-thwack-woosh-thump sound effects, this is some of the best fighting on film I've seen in a long while.

The tournament storyline also provides the filmmakers with a great excuse to bring out a host of great characters and their various physics-defying skills, such as the Yoga Master, who can extend his arms to a length of 8 feet or so; Iron Skin, who can take a punch or kick anywhere ? and I do mean anywhere, boys ? without the slightest pain; and Win-Without-A-Knife Yakuma, who practices "nice jumping" according to the One-Armed Boxer himself. The list goes on: Tornado Knives, the Thai Boxer, The Monkey Boxer, Miss Wu, Fists of Crane and Tiger?they're all great.

As if thirty minutes or so of excellent one-on-one weren't enough, the plot thickens when the Master of the Flying Guillotine shows up and makes some trouble, sending the One-Armed Boxer into hiding until he can think of a plan to stop the Master, because, as he tells his overeager students, "He who depends on Kung Fu alone is a fool." Let that be a lesson to you, the next time the Master of the Flying Guillotine is after you.

The rest of the film leads up to the final showdown between the One-Armed Boxer and the Master of the Flying Guillotine, of course, and what a fight it is. What I loved most about it is that someone clearly sat down and thought about what a blind person would fight like, and what a one-armed man would fight like. Granted, both characters exhibit supernatural powers that make them the equal of twenty mortal men, but still. The fighting was choreographed to reflect their alleged physical handicaps, and it makes the final battle that much more exciting. It's a knockdown drag-out of epic proportions, involving a coffin shop, an aviary, many nasty booby traps, and the requisite proving of toughness by surviving multiple fatal wounds.

All in all, this is one helluva good movie, which I can heartily recommend. Before I close, I must also mention the film's score, which is this great low-fi '70s synth-rock, and the costumes, which have inspired every martial arts video game, ever. I will now go practice my Robot Boxing. Ball Bearing Style! Whoosh! Clank! Whirr!

P.S. Dear friends: I wish to view more kung fu movies now. Perhaps you have some good suggestions for me, mmm?

Posted by hilatron at September 15, 2002 02:27 PM