Blogatron

The Answer!

I've finally figured it out.

After years of wondering if I'm just lazy, of fearing that I may actually be a slacker, I had an epiphany. My problem was that I had not realized my true calling. It's not that I didn't apply myself in school; it's that school was not designed for the kind of person I am. It's not that I'm a sullen and ungrateful employee, oh no, but that the crass commercialism of these United States has no room for my unique and individual personality. I finally realized what I am, you see. I finally realized that I am not failing in the world; the world is failing me! It's such a relief to understand at last that I am...

A SERIAL OBSESSOR!!!!

You see, my friends, The Man, with his talk of "not following through" and "keep your eyes on the prize" and "go to work every day" and blah blah, has neglected my special needs.

I need to immerse myself in new disciplines with wholehearted abandon for just enough time to start a bunch of new projects. Then I need to move on to something else. It's simple really: let me start things, let me dabble, let me pop in for awhile, and then bid me a fond farewell. Don't think of what might have been, but enjoy the time we had, Unfinished Pants. I'll never forget you, Movie About The Aquarium. Bye, bye, Mein Lieber Decorating Idea.

I demand that new jobs be created for people like me, say every six weeks or so. It would also be nice to have a foundation or a council of some kind, and maybe some of those public service announcements. Oooh, and could scientists study me? Maybe that'd be good for a laugh for a couple of weeks.

The good news is that eventually I do cycle back to revisit old obsessions, so I really just have to live long enough and I'll be mighty accomplished, what with having memorized the Tarot, being a ballroom dancer, a Yogina, a gardner, a web designer, a filmmaker, a fashionista, an editor and making a kickass pastry. Never you fear, by the time I'm ninety or so I'll have all this down pat. I just need a little recognition, that's all, a little slack from my fellow men. You all just need to understand that I'm a multifaceted peg that won't fit into your pigeonhole, man, you dig?

Posted by hilatron at September 13, 2002 12:35 AM