Blogatron

Statistics

Here are some numbers for you.

-Number of pairs of shoes under my desk: 3
-Number of times I have confused the word "shim" with the word "shiv:" 1
-Number of chocolate chip pancakes I consumed today: 4
-Length of resulting sugar coma: 2.5 hours
-Number of annoying dillholes sitting near me at brunch this morning: 6
-Number of times I listened to someone justify repeated infidelity with the fact that his girlfriend forgave him the first time he got caught: 1
-Number of times I heard a club described as fun because "lots of trashy Asian girls go there:" 1
-Number of times I resisted the urge to stab someone with a fork: 5
-Population increase in Brookline now that school is starting: 150%
-Percentage of population increase which wears white baseball hats: 75
-Number of baleful looks I have received from my cat today: 24
-Number of snarky comments I have made about my upstairs neighbors today: 7
-Average number of times I mutter "OR you could GET OUT of my WAY, dicksmack!!" under my breath in a given day: 4
-Percentage of e-mail I have received in the last two days which was actually for me personally: 5
-Number of people who have read this blog in the last week, based on available evidence: 3
-Extent to which I base my self-worth on whether anyone visits my blog or e-mails me: 50-75%
-Number of times I have criticized others for trying to instill guilt in their loved ones: 400 or so.

Yours,
Hilatron