Blogatron

Correspondence #1

Dear Shower,

I don't know how we came to this. I really don't. But we need to sit down and talk things out before they get worse.

Did I do something to offend you from the very beginning? I don't think I did; I certainly never meant to be inconsiderate. But I can only suppose that I must have hurt you at some point - and I must stress this - unintentionally. Otherwise, why would you now be trying to hurt me?

Perhaps it's a communication problem. You are, after all, a shower, and I am a robot. Perhaps you don't understand how much pain it causes my tender sensors when you go from a comfortable temperature to scaldingly hot in under a second, just as I have some particularly vulnerable part of my anatomy turned towards the stream of water. Perhaps you don't realize how bewildered and lost I feel when I am basking in a soothing flow of warmth, only to have it change to a deluge of icy destruction with no warning at all.

I write this now because my moaning and cursing, my screaming and hopping, have not had any effect on your behavior thus far. I realize it was the wrong approach; I probably frightened you, and I apologize. Please know that these actions were not directed at you personally; I was simply reacting to the situation, without thinking of how it would look to you. But let me reassure you that I do want for us to communicate, and to work our way through this problem together.

Is everything all right at home? I don't mean to pry, but if there is anything you'd like to tell me about, you can confide in me. Do you get along with the plumbing all right? Are the other showers respectful of your needs? If anyone is bullying you into giving up your cold or hot for their own selfish purposes, I would be happy to have a talk with them if you think that would help. Or we can go see a professional who might have some good strategies for dealing with the situation. No pressure, but I just want you to know that I'm here for you.

I just want you to know that I'm not angry with you. I realize this whole thing is probably a big misunderstanding, and I'm sure that together we can find a solution. After I finish applying aloe to my back, perhaps we can sit down and hace a nice talk. Is there anything I can get for you? Some soap scum remover? Some Lime-Away? I'd be happy to oblige if there's any little thing you'd like.

I'm really glad I had this opportunity to express my feelings to you. Thank you so much for listening. Would it be possible for me to ask one little thing in return? It's not a demand or anything, of course; you've demonstrated that you hold the cards here, and I respect that. However, I just wanted to let you know that it'd be really, really helpful if you could give just a little warning, just long enough for me to jump free, the next time you double or triple your temperature. Just 3-5 seconds would do the trick, I think. Again, no pressure, but I can assure you that it would really improve our outlook for the future. Thanks for thinking about it.

So, we'll talk soon? Just let me know what time would be good for you; except for my appointment with the skin graft specialist, I'm free all weekend.

Best regards,
Hilatron

Posted by hilatron at August 23, 2002 11:48 AM